Just Being Honest

Honestly, some days I struggle

with anxiety

with caring too much about other people’s opinions

with working too much and not allowing my body, mind, and soul to rest

with feeling inadequate

with fear

with feeling like I don’t fit in

with trying to be in control

with always needing things clean and organized

with purpose

with worrying about the future

 

And sometimes I feel alone in those struggles.

But then I’m reminded that this is a fallen world.

And everyone struggles in some way.

 

And I’m reminded that the Lord loves me,

watches over me,

takes care of me,

walks with me,

works in me,

teaches me,

and provides for me.

In so many ways.

 

I’ve learned that the ways to fight those daily battles is to be in the Word, be truthful about them and talk to others about them, and live with gratitude.  When you find things to be thankful for (and there are always plenty of them), then the Holy Spirit works in amazing ways to calm your struggling, anxious, worrisome heart.  And it is vital to be constantly reminded of who God is.

No matter what, God is God.

If healing never happens, God is still good.

When circumstances aren’t favorable, God is still faithful.

When uncertainties are plentiful, God is still loving.

 

Through these daily struggles I am so thankful for a loving and understanding, caring and supportive husband.  He helps me in so many ways.  We balance each other incredibly.  And the gospel is constantly lived out as we walk in marriage.  God is amazing for ordaining this.

 

Just some random thoughts about honest struggles.

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The Last Lecture

A few weeks ago we spent the weekend at the lake with my family.  It was really wonderful having everyone together and being out at the lake.  Unfortunately I spent a day with a headache.  Staying in from the boat isn’t fun, but it caused me to stumbled upon a great little read in the cabin….The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.

This was definitely a gem.  Pausch was a university professor and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer back in 2007.  He wrote the book as a way to leave his legacy for his kids, who are still young.  And it basically sums up his lecture that was part of a “Last Lecture” series at the university.  There is so much hearty wisdom, practical knowledge, and hints of humor in this book.  It doesn’t take long to get through and really is wonderful.  He talks about making your childhood dreams a reality, and how he made that happen in his life.

The Last Lecture is definitely worth the small time it take to read it.  It is hard to sum up because Pausch talks about so much throughout the pages of his book.  It’s a treasure you won’t soon forget.

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Thrifty Saturdays

One of our favorite things to do on Saturday mornings is going to garage sales and thrift stores.  (Well the thrift store outings can happen any day of the week.)  We pretty much never buy anything new.  It is so much better to hunt for good deals.  Some days we don’t find anything, but other times we definitely score. It is fun for us to go around Jackson to garage sales and hunt for treasures.  Yes, some sales are just filled with junk.  But sometimes, we find true gems!

And yesterday we found some gems.  Spencer got an Armani suit, Armani jacket, Burberry suit, and a really great bag for just $14 for all of it.  Not a bad deal, thats for sure.

Sometimes we just laugh about the neat things we find.  Awhile ago we happened upon a Nintendo 64.  We paid just a few dollars for it, and it’s a fun thing to have at home.  We stumble upon great clothes and books.  And some people have awesome antiques they are getting rid of.

Why buy things new?  We try not to!  You just have to be patient and learn to enjoy the hunt.  We love that time together.  And now that it is fall, our thrifty Saturdays are so much more enjoyable!

Living Well Together

In this journey of doing life together, we are definitely wanting to live well.  And recently that has involved us determining how we can live healthy and make good decisions for these bodies we have.

We started doing P90x after the wedding.  We just really enjoyed it and loved being able to do that together, but then once work started back up for both of us it was hard to keep that going.  Teaching just is tiring so when we get home we like to just be together, talk about our days, and cook dinner.  At some point we will start it up again.

Fall has arrived though!  And we love being outdoors, so plenty of walks and hikes and bike rides and such will happen.  And our dog, Chaco, loves the cooler weather.  He loves going to the park and taking walks, so he is bound to help us be healthy as well.

And, we have started taking Juice Plus.  Their research is phenomenal about the lack of fruits and vegetables that we, especially as Americans, are eating and how important they are.  You should definitely visit their website and watch the video.  https://www.juiceplus.com/nsa/content/Welcome.soa

We are thankful to have the farmer’s market here in Jackson to be able to get our produce.  And we are trying to not eat as much processed food.  It is a fun journey to be on together.  We want to take care of ourselves and be able to live well for our future children and families.  Being disciplined to eat better and healthy, stay active, and just take care of ourselves is part of our discipleship.  And we are glad to be able to start to establish this early on in our marriage.

Here’s to living well!

Still Trying to Figure Out What I Want to Be When I Grow Up…

I have always been a planner.  When I was in middle school I had to write a sort of ten year plan for my life…and it was not a hard assignment for me at all.  I remember it vividly.  I remember exactly what I wrote and how detailed it was.  And honestly, most of those things I wrote have come to pass, like working at a Christian book store through high school, studying the Bible in college, and working in ministry, and becoming a wife.  Even if the road through it all has been way different than what I envisioned while growing up in Florida, I am thankful for where it has brought me.  So very thankful.  I was taught to be extremely responsible, weigh options, think through things, and have a plan.

Work hard and have a plan.  My parents engrained it in me.

My parents are by far the hardest workers I know.  My dad has worked so very hard to provide for our family.  I definitely get my work ethic from him.  He also taught us to be prepared, set goals, look at the options ahead of us.  I’ve gotten pretty good at it.

While I love making plans, I’ve also always been something else.

A dreamer.

Growing up I never had that one definite answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  Some people know how their minds work, what their hearts are geared towards, and what they are gifted at.  Teacher.  Doctor.  Vet.  Marine.  Nurse.   Singer.  Dancer.   No matter what, kids have something they want to do.  Something they are geared towards or can see themselves doing, even if it changes as they get older.

I’ve never had that one thing.  I have a list…a long list of the career paths I legitimately have thought about over the years.  Here it goes (in no certain order):

WNBA Player (probably the craziest, but made sense with my dad’s job at the time)

Flight Attendant (along with the first one, it went along with my dad’s job)

High School English Teacher

Songwriter

Overseas Missionary

Girls Ministry Director

Counselor

Baker

Women’s Bible Study Teacher and Writer

Doctor

Writer

Chef

Nurse

Photographer

Wedding Planner

Journalist

Working in an Urban Ministry

Church Planter

With the exception of that first one (a dream I had in 5th grade, that I quickly learned was unrealistic), they were all things I thought about in high school and college.  I have spent time considering each one of these.  Some I knew I would enjoy more than others, but even still, I’ve thought about them all.  I always said I would do several things throughout my life, not just have one job and retire from it.  I’m too used to change.  I need to be able to experience different things, serve the Lord in different ways, love people in various capacities.

And now, two years after my undergrad work, two months into marriage, I am wrestling with the question “What do I want to do?”

And I have no idea.

Honestly, I don’t even know how to figure it out.  I’m not sure what I enjoy.  I just know that whenever a need has come up, whenever there is work to be done, I do it.  And I do it well.  I work hard no matter the task given me.  But when it comes to figuring out what I want to do, I’m lost.  Spence and I have talked through it often lately, because it is constantly on my mind.

The most recent plan has been to do an accelerated nursing program (1 year BSN program for people who already have a bachelor’s degree).  While that is still a good option, I wonder if I would enjoy it.

So all this to say…I’m on a journey right now, Spence and I are on a journey together, to figure out what it is I enjoy doing and what I want to do.

I know what you do is not as important as who are you, but it is nice to figure out what you enjoy and be able to do it also.

I’ve definitely learned that plans change, things happen you didn’t expect, and people change their minds.  Life can get crazy, people can get sick, and the mundane can become normal.  I’m used to change.  So I definitely know that no matter how much I plan, those plans might never actually make themselves known.  I’m okay with that.  We are just on this journey of figuring out what I want to do, which might be simple for most people.  But for me, it takes a lot of thought, a whole lot of thought.

And we are thinking.  Hard.  About every possibility.

Pray for us as we continue on this journey please.  And we’ll keep you updated along the way.    🙂