I have always been a planner. When I was in middle school I had to write a sort of ten year plan for my life…and it was not a hard assignment for me at all. I remember it vividly. I remember exactly what I wrote and how detailed it was. And honestly, most of those things I wrote have come to pass, like working at a Christian book store through high school, studying the Bible in college, and working in ministry, and becoming a wife. Even if the road through it all has been way different than what I envisioned while growing up in Florida, I am thankful for where it has brought me. So very thankful. I was taught to be extremely responsible, weigh options, think through things, and have a plan.
Work hard and have a plan. My parents engrained it in me.
My parents are by far the hardest workers I know. My dad has worked so very hard to provide for our family. I definitely get my work ethic from him. He also taught us to be prepared, set goals, look at the options ahead of us. I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
While I love making plans, I’ve also always been something else.
Growing up I never had that one definite answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Some people know how their minds work, what their hearts are geared towards, and what they are gifted at. Teacher. Doctor. Vet. Marine. Nurse. Singer. Dancer. No matter what, kids have something they want to do. Something they are geared towards or can see themselves doing, even if it changes as they get older.
I’ve never had that one thing. I have a list…a long list of the career paths I legitimately have thought about over the years. Here it goes (in no certain order):
WNBA Player (probably the craziest, but made sense with my dad’s job at the time)
Flight Attendant (along with the first one, it went along with my dad’s job)
High School English Teacher
Girls Ministry Director
Women’s Bible Study Teacher and Writer
Working in an Urban Ministry
With the exception of that first one (a dream I had in 5th grade, that I quickly learned was unrealistic), they were all things I thought about in high school and college. I have spent time considering each one of these. Some I knew I would enjoy more than others, but even still, I’ve thought about them all. I always said I would do several things throughout my life, not just have one job and retire from it. I’m too used to change. I need to be able to experience different things, serve the Lord in different ways, love people in various capacities.
And now, two years after my undergrad work, two months into marriage, I am wrestling with the question “What do I want to do?”
And I have no idea.
Honestly, I don’t even know how to figure it out. I’m not sure what I enjoy. I just know that whenever a need has come up, whenever there is work to be done, I do it. And I do it well. I work hard no matter the task given me. But when it comes to figuring out what I want to do, I’m lost. Spence and I have talked through it often lately, because it is constantly on my mind.
The most recent plan has been to do an accelerated nursing program (1 year BSN program for people who already have a bachelor’s degree). While that is still a good option, I wonder if I would enjoy it.
So all this to say…I’m on a journey right now, Spence and I are on a journey together, to figure out what it is I enjoy doing and what I want to do.
I know what you do is not as important as who are you, but it is nice to figure out what you enjoy and be able to do it also.
I’ve definitely learned that plans change, things happen you didn’t expect, and people change their minds. Life can get crazy, people can get sick, and the mundane can become normal. I’m used to change. So I definitely know that no matter how much I plan, those plans might never actually make themselves known. I’m okay with that. We are just on this journey of figuring out what I want to do, which might be simple for most people. But for me, it takes a lot of thought, a whole lot of thought.
And we are thinking. Hard. About every possibility.
Pray for us as we continue on this journey please. And we’ll keep you updated along the way. 🙂